I’m not sure what you’ll think about this but unfortunately… Chris and I broke up a few months agoL. Almost three actually, even though it feels like forever ago. You might be surprised, I dont know but one reason we didn’t make it public is because we needed to figure this out for ourselves before we listened to what everyone ELSE thinks about it.
Now, I don’t wanna sound…I don’t know-conceited, but we were feeling the impact of fame more than ever before on our relationship. I’m scared that people won’t really understand and be kinda mad because they had such high hopes for us. Well, so did I! I mean, I had thought we would get married too (like all engaged couples DO, CHRIS), HAVE KIDS, and live happily ever after. I still want all of that-REALLY BAD! Its just not how things are now.
But heres the thing: Even though we are technically “broken up “nothing about our relationship seems different. I guess its kinda confusing because we still kiss and hug and go out to eat and spend a lot of time talking on Facebook. And when hes home we spend a lot of time together. See? Not much different! Now I HATE(despise,really) that he comes and goes because of work (Im sure you’ve all seen my “countdowns “on Facebook), but that was the same when we WERE engaged because…hey, I want that music recorded as much as anybody! And even though we’re “broken up”, he still takes me out and everything. And I just really do want him to be happy. You all know I think he’s a good guy and he really is my soul-mate (a title we upgraded to from ‘best-friends’).
But, I also, personally, want him to just be happy again and move beyond the situation that HE didn’t even cause. I love him and our relationship so if this is what soul mates feels like, I am good! If he needs more, even though I AM classically jealous and I’m not sure how I’ll handle THAT I can still love him and he can still love me.
So don’t be mad, or disappointed, or whatever you might be that is bad because there isn’t just married or not married and this sucks for everyone but not because its bad but just because it isn’t what we planned. So what? Its what we have. There is not just ONE kind of love. I have friends in same sex marriages and their love is not any less LOVE. Neither is our “not getting married-soul mates forever love”.
I mean, we might even change our minds again one day. AND I SURE wouldn’t hesitate to go back to that with him because he is SUCH a GREAT guy. He really treats me fantastic. But Im sure any regular blog readers know THAT.
I love you Chris, the same as always even if it has a different name.
The question for YOU is...dun dun duhhhhh…are you still interested in us?
I’m sure everyone is tired of me doing blogs about different people… but, I just have so many great people in my life, and basically, everyone just seems anxious for a new blog. So here we go: I’ve mentioned Mike Schick plenty of times on Facebook and I just thought I’d let everyone know who he is. To start with, he’s one of my very best friends. Way back at the beginning of time, (I think everyone knows that) I used to work at Starbucks…and he used to come in there ALL THE TIME. Fast forward a few years and Mike is one of my best family friends. He also comes over to my house for dinner several times a week, so my whole family knows him. He doesn’t even need to knock! He’s like family himself. Another thing about him is that he’s a GREAT cook. There has been plenty of times he cooks dinner for my family(on what we like to call Schick Sunday) and because he’s also very gracious-- it wouldn’t be crazy that he cooked something for just ME! I remember one time, my brother and I were driving somewhere and we passed him walking so we picked him up. And he just so HAPPENED to have a surprise for me. It was REALLY good banana-nut muffins he made! One other time he made these chocolate chip cookies…oh…my…god. This one time though, he moved to LA and I wasn’t sure I would ever see him again-- But on my birthday I came downstairs to find him at the breakfast table wishing me happy birthday! It was the best. He really is one of my best friends.
I think that most people know I have a TON of siblings, so, I decided to name them and what I think is their best quality. Kenny: he can fix ANYTHING! Mainly car stuff and THAT can obviously come in handy. Allison: she’s a really good cook. She works at this one place and she always brings me EXCELLENT stuff from there which makes me think she’s also very giving. Adam: he’s a hard worker. There is NOTHING he will say he can’t do. Lazy is definitely not the word to describe this one. I remember him getting pretty mad when someone called him that once, He said ”I am NOT lazy!” Dylan: for his size he’s really strong! Like, it’s surprising! A few nights ago we were in the bathroom and I said my feet hurt REALLY bad standing on the floor so he straight up CARRIED ME to bed. Me and all of my hundred and…well let’s just say hundred. Cheyenne (or known by people closer to her as Cheye): now this quality might not be thought of as so important but, I really do think her best quality, is her looks. Also, I don’t know if its cause we’re kind of close in age but, she really is like my best friend. A bit of a wild child, but, in a cool way! I mean dropping out of high school and then much later picking up and moving across the country! You got to love her-right? At least I do. Delaney: she’s SOOO nice. That might not seem like that huge of a deal but she really is! Mackenzie: she’s SUPER smart! She got straight A’s ALL of last year! Kyle: well the guy is really funny. He CRACKS me up. And Last but not least, Christopher: is REALLY athletic. Not that I would know because I hate going to sports games and rarely do. But I HEAR that he is athletic! So, I hope I haven’t bored you with all my talking about my family, but I wanted to share how great they are!
So, two weeks ago, on Wednesday (WINE Wednesday, must I remind you) I went into the hospital. What?! Talk about some bad timing. When I found out I said but its wine Wednesday and I’m going to miss American Idol! It was supposed to be a GOOD day, ya know? But I HATED it there so much at one point I said to my mom “I can’t WAIT to go home” and she said “why exactly?” I said “freedom!” are you kidding? One night, I asked for my medicine, and you said you had to wait for them to bring it!! You’re my mom. YOU should be in charge!”
In other news-do you remember how my brother left about three months ago? (Well I’m sure YOU ALL do, because I wrote a blog about it) well he comes home tonight! And I keep thinking about how he’s next (next meaning going to be just like me) for missing his fiancé, and it’s ROUGH, for her too. Oh man, he and Charlene were together CONSTANTLY. They just went from one place to another being together –lucky. I’m happy to have him home though!
It’s been so long since my last blog, so I finally got around to writing one! There are a few things I found myself writing about so he we go:
My accident was going on FIVE YEARS ago. jeez. I mean, a lot has changed, but a few things have specifically changed so I made a list: “who knew’s”. Ok, who knew that one day Chris would be performing for tens of thousands of people, and actually I just talked to Chris, and he said he has performed for 100,000 people so… (EXCUUUSE me Mr. Medina). Who knew my brother, Dylan, would meet a girl on Facebook, fall in love, and be marrying her in South Africa next year. Who knew my sister Cheyenne would now live in Los Angeles. And who REALLY knew that at my mom’s house we would have a dog I ADORE. I pretty much hate dogs. Not really a “who knew”, but everyone DOES seem to be getting older, faster these days. A few months ago, Chris turned, (gasp) 30! And my one sister who I used to nanny at the time of my accident was only in kindergarten then and next year she is starting high school!
These two topics don’t necessarily go together, but, since I’ve (once again) waited WAY TOO LONG to post a blog… I finally am. AND! We are in the month of my birthday, so…
Every year my birthday party is a huge deal to me and every year there is a THEME. Well so far this year I've been keeping it a secret. But now, I’m revealing it...its 80s! Just need more ideas. I have some…I just need more. My parties are always fun so I do have that to live up to. On the subject of my party, my mom said one REALLY good thing-- and one kinda bad. The good thing is that we can most likely have the party at my house. And the not-so-good thing was the date the party would have to be on April 5th (two months away!) I guess think of it like two months to get excited…but I always say that my impatience is my worst quality and OH BOY will I be impatient by FREAKIN’ APRIL!!! That’s SOOOOOOOO far away!! I don’t even have Chris to get me through the time. We have a Facebook relationship right now. He’s in LA, finishing his second album. God, THAT ALBUM BETTER BE GOOD!! I keep losing him to LA for it! But back to my birthday party... one more reason I’m overly excited for the party to GET HERE(in April, need I remind you)is that’s the next definite time I will see my really good friend, Mike. And by then I won’t have seen him for like 6 months AND OF COURSE Chris would be there and blah, blah, blah…now if only all of Facebook could go to the party too!!! I really need ideas for it!! one person suggested a rubiks cube cake and I’m pretty sure we will have that but I definitely need more…now even though every year I’m super excited about my birthday party, this year I’m EXTRA (notice the all caps really mean it.) Excited because of the theme! But do you all think you can help me come up with more ideas for the party? Maybe in the comments?!
I always post blogs BEFORE parties about how excited I am. Well how about AFTER? Because I wanna talk about how great New Year’s eve was so I will give you a play by play: Ok, first Sarah (my best friend, I think ya’ll know THAT) got here and did my nails. Later I got a ton of compliments on those nails so thank you Sarah! Then another good friend, Mike got here and we had a drink, mine I Just sipped in front of the computer for a while. I am pretty sure he had more than one and doubt he was sipping! Then after a few hours of just hanging out, Me and Sarah, Mike and Connie (my personal assistant and now a really good friend) left to head to Night Games to watch Chris’s show. I was thinking, ‘Now all the fun could start!’ A little secret: Even though it was fun to just hang out with my friends, it was basically torture waiting to leave because I have a very hard time being patient. The drive to this show was very short, that was a huge relief and kind of a surprise too. I don’t know why I didn’t realize that the place was just a few blocks away but I was VERY happy to find out we were there just a few minutes after we even got in the car! Shortly after we got there it was almost time for Chris to go on and when he did it was SO exciting. I always think that Chris performs good but I was extra excited because it was New Years Eve and I knew he would do even better. His drummer, Mike McManus was staying with us for a few days before the show and I specifically told him how much I was looking forward to the show so he “better not screw it up!” He thought that was really funny. (Yeah, I am funny Mike but still, don’t mess up!)
I was a little bummed in advance, thinking about my brother and sister not being home but it was all just fine because my brother Adam DID go to the show! Adam and I are really close in age and in general, just really close. My mom said that as soon as he was born I acted like I was his mom and we stayed together all the time. Did you know when I had my first apartment that Adam got his first apartment a year later in the SAME building, one floor directly below me? Yep! Now that he is the “workout king” pushing me at the gym almost every day, I am a little less excited to see him each day but on New Year’s Eve I figured I was safe from that. Guess what? I was wrong! Early that day he DID take me to the gym! But back to the good part of the night when I was GLAD he was there…. Not only was my brother there but BOTH of my parents and step parents were there. Now that does NOT happen very often! And something else really good is that my cousin was there since her fiance’s family OWNS the bar. That was cool.
The show was as awesome as I expected and so was the stroke of midnight because I got to celebrate it with a whole lot of kisses from Chris. It was a great party.
Speaking of parties, the NEXT one I will be planning will be my BIRTHDAY party so sorry in advance for having to hear about THAT one for months in advance! And I have a good idea for a theme this year! Since I was born in 1986 the theme will be ‘The 80s’. But before that party there are parties that I will attend for a much more fun reason: Two of my cousins are having babies so, yeah, Baby showers!
What big parties do you have planned this year? (Warning I MIGHT steal your ideas...heeheehee)
Every year on Christmas Eve at my Aunt Lori’s party the nieces and nephews are asked a question and they have to write their answer. This year’s question was ‘What do you wish for someone else in 2014.’ My answer was “For Chris to be all the way famous.” So that answer got me to thinking about my next blog….THIS blog: New Year’s Resolutions. Back when Chris and I were dating I wanted to help him become famous by advertising for him or pushing his career. I used to post everything he did on Facebook or My Space and now I have a whole lot more places to post. So then, one of my New Year’s Resolutions is to help that ‘wish’ I made on Christmas Eve come true. Let’s get started on that!
Tomorrow, on New Year’s Eve this year Chris is going to play a show at Night Games right here in Oak Forest. It’s going to be a lot of fun and I am really looking forward to it. I really hope to see as many of you there as possible. After this show Chris is leaving for a pretty long time… (I will save my complaints about THAT for other blogs…) for now I hope this is the best night.
I do have other resolutions for myself too. Here are some things that I am going to try to accomplish this year: Like way too many people, I want to lose weight. I’m talking like 60 pounds. Then I would be at my pre-accident weight! I plan on being overall HEALTHIER! Sound good to everyone? I mean, I already love fruits and vegetables, so I’m covered there. I just can’t have TOO much overall or I’ll run into the OTHER resolution! And with all that extra weight gone PLUS being healthier, I could basically take on the world!!
I asked some of the people closest to me what their resolutions were and they said this (girls THEN boys of course):
· Mommy: “To start writing again.”
· Cris: “To be more organized, so I can spend more time with our family. We have a lot of great things happening next year!”
· Ms. Knick: “To concentrate on my health and fitness and be skinny by the end of 2014!”
· Cheyenne: “To prioritize and not take on more than I can handle. Oh, and eat healthier too.
· Allie: “To get a 4.0 GPA.”
· Delaney: “To perform to the best of my ability in my school play.”
· Mackenzie: “To be the best at my next band concert.”
· Michelle: “To try to stop worrying so much about things I cannot change and be grateful for what I DO have, every day.”
· Charlene: “To be healthier, to smile even MORE, and to be the best fiancée ever!!”
· Chris: “To be a better version of myself and become the person I feel I should be.”
· Daddy: “To start going to church.”
· Donnie: “To have a more positive outlook.”
· Adam: “Mine is to help you get in as good of shape as possible. And help you enjoy it and make you realize your health is the most important thing in your life! Don’t worry. We will just continue how we r going now: Some gym time, and eating and drinking a little better.”
(Oh great. I’m in for it now)
· Dylan: “To learn something new and to move in with my Fiancée.”
· Kenny: “To work hard for my new family and save $1,000 a month.”
· Kyle: “To make All-Conference for varsity baseball and football.”
· Christopher: “To make the varsity football team as a sophomore.”
· Craig: “To have an operating business.”
· Mike Schick: “To be successful.”
Ok, so you knew this was coming, in fact you even know WHY this was coming…I love to read comments!! Ummmm yeah so tell me, what is YOUR New Year’s Resolution?
Once again I’ve waited WAY too long to w rite a blog. It’s even been bothering me. Believe me. And not to be boring and always write blogs about people, but here is another one. THIS one is about my mom. I’ve told you lots of little things before but something else she does is try to make sure I’m always happy. Like TRULY, TRULY happy. Not just happy for the moment (because we know that isn’t really possible when I have to do a lot of things I don’t like!) But I mean she tries to make sure that I am learning to do things that will make me happy for a long time like painting and watching my favorite shows and even writing this blog! (Remember, she gave me hers?!) And oh God is she a hard worker! And that’s not even INCLUDING all of the stuff she has to manage because of my injury. She’s great at walking me, perfect at understanding me (even though a lot of times she says she can’t and tells me to “ARTICULATE”…grrrr). Whenever I have a hard time doing something, she comes up with a ‘plan’ to try to fix it. Really, if I had to put it just one way, I would say she really tries to make sure I have whatever I need or want even though it means a lot MORE work for her. She really is my best friend. Now I know I did another blog about my best friend Sarah Mitchell and she is. But the thing is, shes really good friends with my mom too now. Im also extremely close with my dad (Im just LUCKY!!) but my mom is obviously a girl too, so we have more ways to understand each other.
On a completely different subject, Ive been getting SUPER antsy with the whole party thing. I think I like planning them even more than having them. Oh God, not only is my mom my best friend, I am turning INTO HER! What kind of parties do you even have in the winter when you have no good excuse? How about a… ”I really like to have parties, so I threw this one!” party?! HAHAHA .
Merry Christmas to everyone. Speaking of Christmas, I think I’ve said before that this is my favorite holiday. And although I knew it was coming, now its here….my first Christmas ever without my brother AND my sister. Dylan is in South Africa for Christmas with his girlfriend’s family and Cheyenne in in Montana with her boyfriend’s family. So I guess Christmas might not be my favorite holiday for long, huh? Well at least I still have Chris and of course, my best friend/mom.
Who are you missing this Christmas?
SO…(see, there’s that word again! Im telling you, I start every blog with it) Ive been dealing with something really horrible lately…definitely nothing Ive ever dealt with before….not even close. But before I tell you that, I have to tell you that my favorite question was the very first one from Michelle. I was asked “What one person, dead or alive I would want to meet?” Everyone talked about this one and we all had different answers. I even changed my mind a bunch of times but here is my answer: Oprah Winfrey. Ok, so that is no shocker because I have said that before. I think now though it might be better if Oprah and I ‘meet’ on Facebook seeing as she probably won’t understand my talking! I will message you directly about the prize I promised.
Ok, back to what I have been ‘dealing with lately’. A lot of people close to me have been say I am being MEAN. For example, the other day I told my mom to “Shut Up!” She said it was completely disrespectful and she will not allow her kids to talk to her that way at any age. Yeah, well when you put it that way mom…she is right. I am sure I never said that to her when I was a kid. She said I am being mean to her in other things I say too. Now what?! Ive never really been called mean. And she isn’t the only one. My sister also called me mean, but that was a while ago. She doesn’t really have the chance to call me ANYTHING anymore since SHE left and lives in California. Ok, so she came back for Thanksgiving and that was a non-mean holiday visit but STILL! AND my brother called me mean. Man! All these people close to me saying it, it must be at least a little true, right? I admit they are probably kind of right. Well, I am not sure that ‘Mean’ is the right word but until I figure it out I am sure they would agree that what I really am is CRABBY. I also know, that I used to care about not being mean to my family, especially my mom but this stupid brain injury is messing that all up! Thankfully we all know that and we still like each other plenty. If only I could remember how to be less crabby all the time.
Welp, for me, recently, there is good news AND bad news. The good news is that Chris is home and that is VERY good news. The bad news is my brother Dylan and his girlfriend Charlene left for South Africa. Dylan won’t be home until March and Charlene…well I don’t have ANY idea when she will return. She has become my family so its just as bad when she goes. And you know my sister Cheyenne left for LA a few months ago. Sure she came back for a visit with her boyfriend Craig who we all really like but then they left again! And NONE of them will be here for Christmas. The only one I want to leave is Miley and, yep, just checked…STILL HERE!
I do NOT like not having my family here: First Cheye, now Dylan and Charlene. AND YOU PEOPLE WONDER WHY I AM SO CRABBY??!!
So question time: what is the ONE thing that makes you super crabby and how do you stop yourself from being mean to people when you are? (Hopefully your answer includes chocolate and I can convince my mom to try that).
So…. (Did you ever realize that a whole lot of my blogs start with the word “So”? What can I say? It’s a conversation opener!)
I am not sure if you’ve noticed, but I haven’t posted a blog in a LONG while. That would be for a few of reasons:
One, my love, love, love, CHRIS has been home on a long break from working, touring, writing and just being busy, and I’ve been spending every waking second with him. While he is home he has been working to raise money to fund his worldwide release of new awesome songs. I really hope he reaches his goal but REALLY glad he is home while he is trying! Here is a link to his campaign if you want to help with that!
Two, I was so excited about my Halloween party which was AWESOME by the way! I spent a lot of time talking about it beforehand and then my dad said I can make it a yearly tradition so I WILL be talking about it again!
Three, I have been working hard on doing daily things more independently. For example there are a bunch of different things I can do in the bathroom. (Ok, that sounds weirdly personal but I don’t mean THAT bathroom stuff!) Just like getting in there by myself by grabbing onto different handles and bars and stuff. Figuring out how to do that has taken a while to practice and get right.
Four is this NEW stair challenge I’ve been doing. You see, every night before bed, I have to walk up the stairs, round the corner then up MORE stairs, down a hallway around ANOTHER corner until finally I make it to my room and into bed. We put up bars and handles all over the place so I can do this whole thing by myself (the independent thing again). WELL…my mom has been timing me to see how long it takes. (She calls me Pokey McPokerson, whatever THAT means) Anyway, my fastest time yet was 3 minutes!!! I want to eventually get down to 1 minute. I don’t know if that sounds fast or slow to you but I can tell you the FIRST time I did it my time was more than 7 minutes! I guess I WAS pretty pokey thenL
So yeah I have been busy and that is why I haven’t been writing a blog. But MORE good news for me, I have been taken out of therapy so I have had a LOT of free time. So…(again with the SO, man I need a new conversation starter!) ANYWAY-I had already decided that my questions blog was so successful (over 200 comments, thank YOU) that I want to do that again. I mean there might be things you want to ask that I haven’t thought to tell you. My mom keeps saying that people want to know how I am doing after 4 years. Wow…4 years. Its hard to believe 4 years has passed since my accident. Like my youngest brothers are now in high school! And its like just yesterday my youngest SISTERS were babies. I might be a little off on my timing and stuff because the other day my dad asked me how old they were and I said I thought Mackenzie was 3, 4, or 5. That is how she was when I was her nanny but do you know how old she is now? TEN!! Yeah I was A LITTLE off.
When I got in the horrible accident, I was living in a house with Chris and my brother Adam while my brother Dylan was in Hawaii in college. Now I live in one with Chris, my brother and sisters, my mom and stepdad and Adam is engaged and living with Michelle, Dylan is going back to South Africa with Charlene and Cheyenne moved to LA to live with HER boyfriend! Before you know it that ten year old will be off to college!! Another thing that is way different is that I have two new family members, my adorable cousins Sinatra and DaVinci and soon my cousin Caitlin will be having a baby too!!
Later this month, Chris will be THIRTY but shhhh!!!! (even though this is SURE not the best way to keep a secret) it just seems that really old number came out of nowhere. Another change I guess. But for me the biggest change is that I was kind of popular before, I was Homecoming queen when I was in 8th grade, thank you very much! Now I am the Facebook queen…not the same L) I’m limited to just a few friends that come over but its kind of ok because I am a lot more of a homebody. I was REALLY self-conscious before; like I would throw a towel over my head if someone walked in the house and I didn’t have make-up on and now I don’t care much about that at all.
So (OMG, AGAIN?!? I THINK I HAVE A “SO” PROBLEM!) that’s what I have been up to, that is my update and how I am today. I am trying to get a video posted too but they are having technical difficulties I guess.
In the meantime, ask me questions. The best question will get a surprise mailed to them!